Choose Your Words

The language we use is habitual, from the stories we tell ourselves to the words we choose. Language forms our identity—it shapes how others receive us and how we see ourselves. 

For example, do you use "if" instead of "when" when expressing your dreams and goals? Or, do you catch yourself saying, "That would be nice," instead of "That will be nice"? My husband does this constantly when I tell him my ideas and plans, which drives me crazy. To explain the difference between these two words, Marta writes in her blog post in English With Love, "The main difference between "will" and "would" is that "will" is used for real possibilities while "would" is used for imagined situations in the future." You can see how that simple word choice can feel incredibly frustrating and also deflating. 

That's why the language we use is key to motivating our actions when it comes to the stories we tell ourselves. For example, are you telling yourself that what you're doing will not work because every time you try something, it results in XYZ? Or do you tell yourself that if you keep trying new things, you will eventually find the answer or result that you're looking for? 

The same goes for the words we choose in everyday conversation. Based on your language, do you think others see you as a dreamer or a doer? By choosing to say "when" instead of "if" and "will" instead of "would," you have the power to change how you perceive yourself and how your message is received. 

The hardest part of choosing your words more carefully is often breaking existing patterns and habits. For example, I usually don't even hear myself using if instead of when, but my business coach and other people close to me have called me out on that many times. Yikes!

So, how do we change a habit we're unaware of? The most effective way to change a pattern is to work on it daily through intentional work, and if it's available to you, ask someone else to hold you accountable. What that looks like for me is working on mindset, journalling, setting daily intentions, and correcting myself when I use a less action-oriented word or tell myself a demotivating story that doesn't serve me or my goals.