Listening to Understand
On any given day, we all use various listening styles to collect information, accomplish tasks and connect with the people in our lives.
For example, how you listen to your kids is very different from how you would listen to one of your colleagues discuss their plans for the weekend.
When we want to understand someone, we give them our full attention. We could look directly into their eyes and ask open-ended questions to help us understand their feelings or what they're trying to tell us.
This type of listening is called Empathetic Listening, and it allows us to build trust, resolve conflict, and connect with the person speaking. Other types of listening include Comprehensive Listening, Critical Listening, and Appreciative Listening.
What if we approached the majority of our interactions with Empathetic Listening? How would that improve the quality of our relationships and our lives overall? And is it even possible?
Like any new skill, Empathetic Listening requires practice. It requires us to slow down enough to give every encounter our full attention, often including putting away our phones or silencing them. But mostly, it requires fully acknowledging the person before us with conscious respect for our shared humanity. The type of interaction I'm referring to is mutual respect and curiosity—curiosity with the desire to understand.
I've always admired the people who do this naturally. When I reflect on my life, I remember exactly who those people were. They stand out in my memories because they always made me feel seen and heard and because I felt understood.
You might say, "Well, times were simpler then. There were fewer distractions." And you would be right. In many ways, there weren't a lot of distractions where and when I grew up, especially before the time of smartphones.
The thing is, even with the ubiquity of smartphones, these people still exist. Some people will always prioritize Empathetic Listening, and my goal is to become one of them. This is not just in my business, where it already comes easily to me, but in my day-to-day interactions, especially when I'm already tired, rushed, or stressed. That's when it's most important to slow down and approach others with Empathetic Listening skills. Not just for them but for myself as well. So, who's with me?