Family secrets: how much do you really know?

The other night, I watched The Golden Girls and one of the episodes' themes was the importance of preserving family history. This series touches on ancestry and family history a lot, but this particular episode was about uncovering family secrets. 

The episode begins with Dorothy going through old photo albums. She is looking through photos for stories to put into her family history because she feels "it's important to tell the grandchildren about their ancestors, [to] give them a sense of pride in those who came before them." Sophia, her mother, is reluctant to help her, and Dorothy soon finds out why. 

In her search for stories to share with her grandchildren, Dorothy learns a family secret: her mother, Sophia, was married to someone else before she married Dorothy's father, Sal. On discovering this, Dorothy feels as though she doesn't know her mother and feels betrayed. 

When Dorothy confronts Sophia with this secret, it sparks a tearful dispute between them. Dorothy, feeling a mix of curiosity and betrayal, believes she deserves to know these things about her mother's life. On the other hand, Sophia, feeling violated and protective of her privacy, believes that some aspects of her life should be kept from her children. 

Later in the episode, Sophia satisfies Dorothy's curiosity and tells Dorothy about her first husband and her feelings of shame for having her first marriage annulled. Sophia is ashamed because she believes she disgraced her family by going against centuries of tradition in ending an arranged marriage to leave for America. She asks Dorothy to keep her secret, but Dorothy feels it still belongs in their family history; only Dorothy sees what her mother did from a different perspective. 

"In 1920, your great-grandmother Sophia Petrillo became a pioneer in the Women's Rights Movement. She single-handedly dragged her family into the 20th century by refusing to be thought of as property and demanding instead to marry a man she loved. To do so, she had to leave behind everything she'd ever known. And that is the kind of courage and strength that flows through your veins." 

I must confess I don't know most of my family's secrets. Fortunately, my parents have always been open with us, and I've heard most of their stories, some of them repeatedly. At least the ones they've been willing to share with me. However, I know very little about my grandparents' lives. I know how they lived and worked, and when I used to visit with them, they would share many of their life philosophies with me. Many of which I didn't agree with at the time. But I don't know anything about their relationship, how they first met, how they fell in love, the challenges they faced together, or the proudest moments they shared. I never asked them those questions, and neither did my parents.

Have you ever wondered whether knowing your family's secrets might be the key to understanding your family history? Or perhaps you have secrets that you choose to keep from your children and the rest of your family? In some instances, these secrets are best kept quiet, but in others, like with Dorothy's mother, Sophia, her shame is also intertwined with her strength. And her decision to have her marriage annulled and leave for America was a point of pride for her daughter. Similarly, you may find that some of your family's secrets are also the proudest moments in your family history. 

The Golden Girls, Season 7, Episode 4, "That's For Me to Know," 22 minutes. https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8028jz