Embrace the Chaos

This was my husband's resolution for the new year and one I was also quick to adopt.

I'll be honest with you: these past three years, and even now, as I type this (amid so much uncertainty in the world), my husband and I have spent a lot of time grasping stability and some control over our lives. But (and no surprise here) that hasn't gotten us very far.

So, instead, we entered this year with an openness to accept whatever challenges come our way and a desire to explore, dream bigger, and adventure more.

Looking back, if these last few years have taught us anything, it's that very little in our lives is actually within our control. That is why this year, we are committed to leading with love; we'll listen first, and when we encounter challenges (as we most certainly will), we'll approach them with curiosity instead of resistance.

I don't remember how or when I let my fear of uncertainty consume me. And, thinking about it now, it doesn't even make sense. My friends and colleagues once praised me for being "fearless" in how I lived my life. So, my only answer is this: it's no longer just my life now that I have a family to share it with.

My biggest fear is not being there for my daughter to witness and support her in her life. I often worry that if something happens to me, she will never truly know me for who I am. She would only know me through others' stories and their memories of me.

I've learned from my clients that I'm not alone in this fear—the fear that your kids don't know you because they haven't heard (or are still too young to understand) your stories of strength and resilience. Or maybe you fear they'll forget who you were and what you stood for and only remember you as "mom" or "dad."

Stories are lost whenever we lose someone, and our memories will eventually fade. There's no way of knowing what this life will bring us and living in fear of that isn't living at all. So, I've decided to follow my husband's lead and embrace life and all the chaos that comes with it because I will be ready no matter what comes our way.

"There is only one thing certain, and that is that nothing is certain." G.K. Chesterton