What it Really Means to Surrender
It's pretty typical for me to live in "fight" mode—always striving for more, pushing to become a better version of myself: stronger, fitter, smarter, more efficient, more competent, and more accomplished. And if this sounds familiar to you, then you also deserve a break. Yes, that's right, it may be time to rest, recharge and learn to go with the flow.
If learning to rest and "surrender" makes you cringe a little, get curious about that—what about it makes you uncomfortable? For example, does the act of surrendering imply weakness or giving up? Because surrendering isn't the same as giving up. Giving up will likely feel like defeat while surrendering should offer you a sense of relief.
Surrendering isn't about showing weakness; it's about learning to trust. And trusting in the unknown and what you can't control is an incredible superpower.
So, how exactly do we learn to surrender while continuing to work toward our bigger goals?
1. Let go of your attachment to a specific outcome.
This is the first step and, for many (myself included), the most challenging part of surrendering. But the reality is, in most cases, we can't control the outcome. We can influence it somewhat, but we can't control it. And if we can learn to do this from a place of surrender instead of force, we'll do ourselves a favour.
2. Trust that things will be as they are meant to be.
Que Sera, Sera, whatever will be will be…
One thing I've learned from the countless hours I've spent interviewing memoir clients is that our lives are made up of our choices. From the friends we keep to the schools we attend, what we study, the jobs we take, the partner(s) we choose to marry, how we spend our time, and so on. Of course, most of these decisions are influenced by current circumstances and how we respond (or react) to them. Our power is in how we choose to respond and, ultimately, in the decisions we make, but beyond that, it's up to us to let go and trust.
3. Adopt an extremely helpful attitude.
Our attitude, while often a reaction to the current circumstances, will attract more of the same.
We all know of at least one person who is always complaining, frustrated, and miserable with life because "nothing ever goes their way."
Yes, bad things have happened to them, as they've happened to us all…but now what? A positive mindset and an extremely helpful attitude will go a long way in positioning yourself for more favourable circumstances and toward the future you desire.
4. Position yourself for success. This step isn't part of the surrender process; however, for recovering high-achievers like myself, it offers a more relaxed approach to working toward your goals.
Once you've let go of your attachment to a specific outcome, learned to trust, and adopted an attitude that will benefit you, you're ready to position yourself for success. While good positioning is often strategic, the skills needed are based on your ability to surrender: being receptive (open to new opportunities), demonstrating an extremely useful or helpful attitude, and releasing your desire to control the outcome.
Positioning for success also requires that we forgo any excuses, believe in our own abilities, and hold ourselves accountable for the decisions we've made. Therefore, not surprisingly, a positive and powerful mindset begins with the stories we tell ourselves about our past choices. And, as my incredible business coach Heather Boersma often says, "Always have your own back."