The Truth is Often Subjective. Just Write What's True to You.

When you start writing about your life, you may question whether and how certain events played out. In memoir writing, staying true to your experience of an event is essential. However, you may still want to acknowledge that others will remember the same events differently from the way you do. It's not about who's right or wrong because a memoir is your interpretation and perspective on your life experiences. You're sharing your truth as you remember it. It's likely that someone in your life will read your book and disagree with how certain events unfolded, but part of sharing your story is learning to be okay with that and growing from the experience. 

For example, my husband and I have both experienced when our parents believed to be remembering certain things about us and our childhoods when, in fact, the stories they thought were about us were actually about our siblings. Over time, they've associated their memories with a different child. This happens a lot as we age. A specific story may stand out in our memory, but the who, what, and where get hazy. And this isn't just the case for older generations; we’re all guilty of it.

Therefore, if you feel it's important to get the facts right when retelling sensitive life events that involve your friends or family, you could ask to include their perspectives when writing your memoir.

For instance, I might describe a childhood event like this, "I remember the day I dropped my brother's paper airplane into a glass carboy that sat at the top of our staircase. It was a sentimental object to our dad because our Uncle Reinhard (his youngest brother) had painted flowers on it for him at some point. It was nice to look at because our uncle had personalized it, but mostly, it just sat there and collected dust. So, one day, when I was teasing my younger brother. I can't remember what we were bickering about—but I dropped his paper airplane into the glass jug. What happened next was something that I couldn't have predicted, and I was just as surprised as he was after he threw it down the stairs to get his airplane out. We both got into a lot of trouble for that incident.” That's one example of a story my brother and I will never agree on. And although neither of our parents was there when it happened, they both have their take on the incident.

Many of my childhood experiences will read like that because as much as my brother and I played together, we also played off each other, blaming the other for what we had done. Of course, it was often my doing, but not always.

Similarly, although we experienced many of the same life events, we’ve interpreted them very differently. Most often, because one of us had more information about what was happening or more awareness of the situation—usually me—I am a couple of years older than him. And in that way, our stories are very different, although we grew up with the same parents and in the same home. 

I hope this helps to address any concerns you may have about expressing what's true to you. Keep in mind that your unique perspective and interpretation of what happened are not just important; they are essential to writing your memoir. And, if you’re concerned about offending someone, make it clear that others will remember events differently. But at the end of the day, it's your memoir, and sharing your viewpoint may even enlighten the others involved.